At least I hope so.
At the risk of jinxing myself, I want to say that in comparison with how I have been feeling the last few months I feel fan-freakin’-tastic.
My head is clear, I have energy, some of my confidence is back and I feel motivated again. I also slept 8-hours straight 2 nights in a row without waking up. I can’t even remember the last time that happened.
I really felt it today during competitive rounds practice. It was a hard practice, but it was hard for all the right reasons. Boss wouldn’t let me skip dances or stop–even if all I was doing was keeping my legs moving (which happened a bit in Viennese Waltz and Quickstep). The best thing was that when I wanted to push my limits–my body listened. It wasn’t happy about it, but it kept going.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel absolutely exhausted at the end of practice, even though I did more than I have done in quite some time. I even worked some on my spins this evening as regaining my confidence in my spins is one of my short-term goals.
I bought a ‘Turnboard’ this weekend. I am not sure if you know what that is (you can google it though), but it’s basically a piece of plastic you can stand on and spin. It helps you keep your balance but it also makes spinning easier due to less friction.
I got it yesterday and already I have discovered a rather significant fact about my body. When I stand on my right foot and turn right things are pretty good. I am balanced, I have some speed and I could easily do more than one rotation. But when I switch legs and turn left it’s like night and day. I can barely get more than 3/4s of a rotation, my balance is terrible and I am slow. It’s a huge and unexpected difference, but it certainly tells me what I need to work on more.
I think that has to do with a couple different factors. My right side is weaker in general from the surgeries and that is my ‘cancer’ side. But my left side is also bigger–bigger in the chest, and bigger over the hips (enough you can see the difference). It makes sense that having more on one side would affect my centre of balance. ‘Centre’ is a bit of a loose term. I have a feeling my centre is a little ‘off to the right’ to balance it all out.
With my motivation returning, I am starting to find myself understanding more and more how I want to restart in the New Year. I really want to get back to basics, but also to work on rebuilding my conditioning. Certainly by the end of practice today I was motivated to not have to work so hard to get through a practice–to work on making it easier on my body. I just hope my body keeps cooperating and that my energy and motivation remains strong.
I hope this truly is the turning point it appears to be. I am tired of having to fight so hard to do the things I want to do and until today I really didn’t realize how exhausting it was.
Time will tell, and all I can do is keep taking things one day at a time.