Competing strong

Sorry for the delay in writing!

I have been busy beyond competing (more on that later) and this is the first opportunity I have had to write about the comp.  I did post some pics on facebook if you follow me there (www.facebook.com/bcballroomdancer).

Overall, this was my strongest competition since before I got sick. Hands down. That’s not to say it was my best dancing, but I felt prepared, my endurance (for the most part was there), I didn’t feel like I was dying after only a couple dances. I felt like I belonged on the floor and that I was competitive, not just dancing as something to do.

I won my closed gold multidance in Ballroom although it was a rule 10 and 11 win (meaning they had to split the tie twice more or less), and I am very proud of that–my first ‘win’ in closed gold! I was also 5th in both open scholarships of 6 couples and even stole a few points from those that placed above me in ballroom.

Ballroom was definitely the stronger of the two styles for me at this competition. Considering the amount of work I have been putting into it, it should have been, and it has paid off. I felt quite strong and confident in the ballroom heats, even though endurance was a challenge. I was surprised to see I received a 1 place mark in VW from one judge in a 5-dance championship that finished with the VW.

There were a lot of positives for me in standard. It took a round to settle down a little and adjust to things like my dress. At the start I was almost too relaxed in trying to keep myself calm and from trying too hard, but hit a good balance for the other rounds. Boss was really happy with how it all went, and I really have no complaints about standard. Yes, there are always little things, and lots to improve, but I was more consistent and solid in standard than I have been in any previous competition. That was a big win for me!

Latin was a much different story, and I am less impressed with my performance there. I had some very high points, and I had some lower ones. In one of my 4-dance gold multi-dances, I didn’t win the event, but I did sweep the rumba. Looking at the videos though, my styling still leaves much to be desired, and I just didn’t seem to be ‘finishing’ all my lines as I danced. My energy level was not where it needed to be for latin and I was having a hard time keeping focused.

So I own the less than stellar latin performance. It was good, but not my best. Among other things, I was having trouble feeling settled in my shoes, and I think the fatigue from standard the day before also played a role and upset my hormones a little bit (I was a hot flash queen that day).

That said, when it came to the 5-dance scholarship, I just went out and had some fun and worried less about trying to be perfect.

One of the biggest ‘wins’ I experienced overall was random strangers making an effort to tell me how much they enjoyed my dancing–seeking me out specifically in the crowd of competitors I was just on the floor with. For me, that is better than a thousand trophies and it happened after events in both standard and latin.

The biggest challenge I faced over the weekend was blisters. My shoes started out feeling wonderful, but then in the last afternoon event in standard I suddenly felt some pain. The result was 2 blisters on each foot, one on the heel, the other in the arch (which seemed a strange place). I put some blister pads on them for the scholarship and covered those with tap, but they didn’t stay in place. By the time I got to the latin scholarship, I had 11 blisters, all of which had popped, some of which were bleeding. I knew that breaking in new shoes would cause some problems (even old shoes can) and had taken some measures and preparations, but my feet seemed to just ‘give up’ in trying to keep skin. Even duct tape didn’t help. I am doing a lot of feet soaking these days.

My shoes are pretty much broken in now, but I won’t be able to tell until all the blisters heel if adjustments need to be made and where. Despite the blisters, they were more comfortable at the end of the comp. I also had issues with my feet swelling and that didn’t help either.

My latin shoes were the strangest to deal with. I had worked with them before I left and they felt fine. But at the comp the heel of my foot kept sliding out and I had a hard time getting the strap tight enough to hold it in place.  I am going to have to revisit them. I am wondering if they are too short in the end even though they are the same size as my last ones–but with a lower heel.

Hopefully in about 2 weeks I can do a good assessment with fresh feet.

The final ‘snag’ in the competition happened at the end of the standard rounds (and thankfully the end!). My dress is stretch velvet and when I am sweaty can be difficult to get the sleeves off.  I friend was helping me and when she pulled the arm I heard a ripping sound! Unfortunately, the dress tore just under the right arm, in the fabric just adjacent to the seam. Because the tear is in the fabric, I don’t know if it can be repairable without being too visible. It may be the end for that dress….an expensive tear!

In all, I am very proud of myself and how I danced this weekend–even latin. I wanted to be able to get through all my dances strongly, which I did, do well in standard (because of the focus we have been giving it), and enjoy dancing in latin. I achieved that. I know Boss is especially happy with the standard and we haven’t had a chance to discuss latin although we know there were challenges there.

The biggest achievement from the competition was being able to feel myself staying strong, and it has given us lots of feedback for the future 🙂

We should be sitting down to discuss the plan for the future over the next couple days, but mainly I am taking it easy right now. The exception, of course was that I had 3 coaching lessons with a standard coach yesterday that were a lot of fun and able to build on the competition. I will write about that shortly.

I will also write a review of the competition for those who might be interested in competing there some day. I would definitely recommend it and I think we are already making plans to return!

Achievement unlocked: Compete strong during recovery!

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Searching for the ‘on’ switch

Things seem to be settling down.

On the other hand, there are new challenges to face, but I am ok with that.

Today, something Boss remarked on is that it takes me about 15 minutes into my lesson before I start moving my upper body in standard and rotating like he asks me to do from the beginning. It’s been pretty consistent that it takes at least 1 round of routines, if not two before I seem to switch ‘on’ and start moving the way I am supposed to.

I have a couple theories for this, since it has been drawn to my attention.

First, especially on Wednesday, I don’t really have time before my lesson to switch my mindset from processing things from work to processing dance. I go from work to home, feed my cats, pick up my dance bag, grab something to eat and go to dance. I have more time on other days, but there does need to be a bit of a mind change.

Second, once I get to dance and into my lesson, it really does take at least one round for my mind to gather and start processing and remembering everything I need to do beyond remembering the steps in the routine. It’s like I need the first round to confirm for myself that I know the steps of the routine, then once I know that I can move beyond the steps to other aspects.

It’s something I notice I do during my own practice as well.  The first round is to review the steps, everything else comes after that.

It’s an interesting dilemma, and I am hoping that now I am aware of it I might be able to move past it. Presumably, once I feel more confident that I know the steps of the routine, I will be able to start focusing elsewhere without that review.

The other thing Boss asked me to do is move and rotate my upper body more. To worry less about what my feet are doing and to focus more on what my body should be doing, and doing more of it.

I had to give some thought to this and I came to an interesting conclusion–what I usually do when it comes to sway and CBM is basically follow what Boss is leading–and that’s it. What he is asking is for me to move beyond what he is leading–to see it as a signal only to start changing–and to take my own initiative to follow through the entire movement.

It’s actually similar to what I had to learn in the steps–especially going forward. In forward steps, I need to do some driving of the movement, so once we start moving forward I need to put some drive into the steps to keep us moving and traveling. It’s especially important in promenade when my path is fairly clear and not blocked by Boss.

It’s a completely different mindset from what I have done previously in standard to more or less embrace and use rotation to move. When I first started dancing standard, one of the things I worked on was not moving my upper body to help build stability in my frame. Now I have to get beyond that.

It’s going to take some time and work, but the seeds have been planted, and I have finally figured out what is being asked of me. Now, the challenge is almost to reach a point where I am rotating too much.

Finally, there was one other major point to tonight’s lesson, and that is to give my mind a physical ‘anchor’ to focus on when I need to close my left side back towards Boss after being open. It seems to be effective in achieving what he needs me to do and my guess is that it’s simply using the dominantly tactile focus of my brain. Give me something I can physically feel to focus on, and generally it works.

The interesting thing to come out of tonight’s lesson is that I can already feel my muscles reacting to being used in a different way. Since that was the goal, I take it as a good sign. My body is tired and achy in general, but not in the exhausted, I don’t want to move way. It’s the general tired and achyness you experience after doing a good workout.

It’s actually the balance I have been wanting to find. I am getting better at not only reading my body through this recovery, but also responding and knowing when to push it and when not to.

For example, after my lesson I stayed to practice today. I had hoped to do a full hour, but after 35 minutes my balance was consistently wavering and my focus was disappearing. My knees were also starting to ache. So, I stopped for tonight. It was the right choice to make and instead of feeling exhausted, I feel appropriately tired.

This thought actually brought to my attention how important my post-dance routine is to the entire process. Since returning after my recovery, I have been developing a bit of a routine.

Before I head home, I take time to process what I did. Usually I do this through driving, which I find very relaxing and head clearing. Some times I drive for over an hour before heading home–but that seems to be when I am able to examine the questions and points brought up in the lesson and consciously work through them.

Once I get home, I have about a 30 min soak in a tub with 3 cups of epsom salts while listening to music and reading my kobo. After that I shower and wash my hair. After the shower is knee pampering (voltaren and tiger balm), brushing my teeth, drying my hair, and if needed, icing my knees. Depending on the time and how I feel, I sometimes go straight to bed to read more, or watch something on netflix to clear my head (or write for you guys!).

It’s almost strange to think that all of these things post-dance contribute to dance, but the time and ritual seems to give my brain the time it needs to catch up and process what it needs to.

It’s interesting what you discover, when you give your mind an opportunity to slow down and discover it.

Hopefully, I will discover the ‘on’ button and get it switched sooner in my lessons next.

One-woman Disaster

That is how I feel today.

But let me elaborate.  It really has not been my day or night.

It started this afternoon at work.  During lunch, my computer randomly crashed twice and told me that the video card was failing.  It made work difficult when each restart took more than 20 minutes to boot up.

Then, I was almost hit by a car on my way to dance. Thankfully almost. I was coming out of my driveway on my scooter and there is a large white panel van that parks on the side of the road just next to our driveway.  The issue is that the way the road is built, and because it has no windows, the van completely blocks the view to the right.  To compensate, you have to look down past all the cars that are parked (about 500 m) to the bottom of the hill and then keep track of the cars you see coming until there is a break.

The issue is that there is an intersection and other driveways you can’t see.  So even though it might look clear all the way down the hill, cars could turn on to the road without you seeing them. That’s what happened tonight.  I was slowly peeking out around the van and discovered a car coming right for me.  So I ended up braking hard, losing my balance and falling over, landing mostly on my scooter.  Missed the car (which stopped and asked if I was all right), and thankfully didn’t hit anything hard.  Cracked the windshield of my scooter in two though when it hit the pavement.  I was able to get it upright and started again, and assessed that I had bruised my shins and had a small scrape on one leg. Mostly I was shaken up.

Following that, I got to dance.  I had received some unexpected news about what to expect for my recovery from surgery yesterday and that has possible repercussions for dance–particularly competing in the fall.  Long story short, it could be 12 weeks after my surgery before I will be able to dance, particularly for any length of time without pain and pulling.  It’s quite different from the 6 weeks I was initially told to expect.  That required a bit of a conversation with Boss, but pretty much at this point I haven’t really gotten to a place where I can completely process this and start to adjust my goals. Again.

The conversation itself wasn’t bad, it was just a disappointing one to have to have.  That said, I still have my silver test this weekend and work to prepare, so it was another lesson dedicated to rounds and running through the routines.  We started with latin tonight, which didn’t go too bad, although jive is still a bit questionable for endurance.  Following that, we moved to standard.  That was going pretty well…

Until I caught my heel on the cuff of my pants during the quickstep and fell over backwards hitting my left hand and hip pretty far.  Also ripped the hem of my pants.  That actually hurt more than falling on my scooter. Go figure.

In general, I was ok, just bruised.  Had to work out my left ankle a little bit, but after rolling up my pants we were able to continue with the lesson and get through the Quickstep.  We followed that with Viennese Waltz.  We did a full minute of that, but I was really dying after 45 seconds.  We ended with a section of foxtrot I was blanking on a bit to review it, but by the second run through of that I could tell I was pretty done.

One comment Boss made tonight and my last lesson is that he is finding my endurance is improving, and the most significant thing is that when I get tired I am better able to compensate instead of just completely sinking and collapsing. It’s good to hear because compared to where I was before I got sick and had treatments I would say I am about half where I was–especially in VW, QS, and Jive.  Cha Cha can also be questionable sometimes.

What’s a little disheartening about that is after up to 12 weeks off to recover from surgery, I am going to have to start over on a lot of things–rebuilding endurance being one of them.  I have been there before though and my focus right now is to try and build as good a base as I can so hopefully there will still be some when I am ready to come back.

I really hope the falls tonight won’t result in me waking up broken tomorrow.  I also wrenched my shoulder trying to open a door (seriously–how does that happen??), burned my hand on coffee and spilled it in my scooter case.  All signs I should have just call it a night.  I didn’t though, I stayed for practice and was able to run through all my routines on my own except paso.  I had a long epsom salt bath after so hopefully that will head off some of the bruising coming my way.

As far as the test, I still feel pretty good about it aside from the endurance issues.  I have most of the routines down and that is helping my confidence. Fingers crossed my body holds out till then.

I discussed with Boss tonight the idea of filming the routines during the test.  It will be up to the adjudicator, but I am hoping we will be able to.  It’s been almost 6 months since we recorded anything, and at least according to Boss there has been a lot of changes.  I toyed with the idea of filming them before the test, but I don’t want things I may see in the videos to distract from the test, or to kill my confidence.  While probably things will look better than I expect, I don’t want to risk that they might possibly look worse.  Better to keep going the direction I am going at this point, and evaluate later.

After the test, I have 4 weeks until surgery.  Mainly, I want to get all the gold routines laid out and if possible filmed so I have them to refer to while I recover.  One of the things I want to have a look at (and should be able to) is to figure out the styling for latin and put together some ideas where needed.

In all honesty, I think that is the main part missing from the silver latin routines, but I am trying not to let myself worry about that.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

Latin Let-down

I am not sure why I feel so frustrated with my latin technique tonight.

I do have a theory that perhaps it is just the late hour of the class (8 pm is late for me these days), coupled with an extremely busy week at work (it’s not over yet!). The end result being that I feel like I couldn’t do anything right tonight during the class–even though I know that is not the case.  Its almost like a mini ‘crash’ after the class.

Usually I feel pretty good about my latin technique.  While there are some things I struggle with a lot, there are others that come more naturally and no matter what I do, my hips definitely move. The adjustment I have been making to my posture is becoming more ‘mainstream’ but I have to stay on top of it.  I am at the point where I ask myself if I am forward and discover that yes, I am.

Tonight in general I think I was just having endurance issues.  It’s hard to explain but I felt like everything just lacked in strength compared to how it usually feels, and my body just wasn’t as responsive as usual.  It wasn’t a lack of trying, but it just seemed to be ‘off’.

I think because of that, the things that usually frustrated me just ran a bit rampant.  By the end of the class my frustration level just seemed exceptionally high.

One thing that is just a constant source of frustration for me is jive.  I have mentioned before it is like my latin achilles heel dance, as it is the one dance where on the one hand things work out well naturally, but on the other I really have no idea how I do any of it.  And there there are some things which I have no idea how to do and quite honestly it looks ridiculous when I try.  I think I am getting in my own way by trying so hard I am actually preventing my body from moving in the way it needs to.  That’s said, it feels like everything I am doing in jive is really ‘loosey goosey’, when it should be more tight and compact (because of the speed).

Some time jive just feels like the dance I never work on.  The little bit of technique I have done in jive has been a little ‘here’ and ‘there’ and very spread out.  I have never concentrated on it–even at a basic level.

To be perfectly honest, my frustration and feeling of lacking in jive really makes me reluctant to do it right now.  I feel that compared with the amount of time and work I have spent on the other 4 dances my jive is woefully behind.

I am hoping this is just the result of a long week and fatigue and that it will pass in time.

The other thing that keeps popping in my mind is that I might not have the endurance for my medal test.  I am feeling a little overwhelmed with the idea of doing 10 dances in a row because its been so long since I have actually done that.  I guess I am not feeling really confident in my strength right now.

I get my injection tomorrow, and I hopeful that with it some of these frustrations will pass.  I am also a bit stressed that I will have some mood swings following the injection as my body gets used to it again.

It’s hard to know what is real and what is just side effects right now.

The Return and End of Smooth

Stopping dance proved to be disastrous for my health.

The day after I decided to stop, I had a complete breakdown and ended up at the ER.  I didn’t think it was possible to get worse than I was, but believe me, it was much much worse.  With everything else, the medication I was on gave me violent mood swings as levels of brain chemicals went up and down until a stable level was achieved.

It was the longest and most difficult 3 weeks of my life.  I really thought I might die, and to be honest, I wished the cancer had killed me.  It was a very very dark time.  On top of everything else, stopping dance actually made the grief I am going through over losing my fertility even more poignant, because I felt as though I had absolutely nothing left to hold on to. I had created a giant hole in my life that I could no longer fill and the little bit of joy and meaning I had in my life disappeared.

But somehow I got through it.  It took a lot of talk with mental health experts, time for medication to kick in and dose adjustments, and a complete reevaluation of my life and dance.

On top of the medical staff, I also (with their encouragement) talked with other dancers in the community (pro/am and amateur), non-dancers and Boss.  I took more than a week to go through and write out all of my thoughts on dance–what was important to me, what I wanted to do with dance, what I felt was missing, what needed to change, and where dance fit into my life–or where I wanted it to fit.  I wrote because that was the best way to express myself and let it all out.  It took me a week and was more than 10 pages, but it helped me find a place for dance in my life–even pro/am.

It took a while, because my energy levels have been quite non-existent and it took some lessons of just talking things through with Boss before I was ready to come back, and we were able to agree on changes that worked for both of us, and hopefully will help to address the issues I was struggling with.

There will be two significant changes to the structure of my lessons.  First, one lesson a week will be devoted to working on showcase/performance routines.  This is to give me an opportunity to be creative and collaborative in dance, something I was missing a lot.  Second, half a lesson every other week will be spent on ‘dance appreciation’.  Time to discuss dance, look at videos of different levels and styles, and develop my ability to think critically about dance and recognize various aspects of it.

My practice is changing as well.  I will still do some drilling, but it will not be the sole focus on my practice, it will be about 2/3rd of it.  The rest of the time will be spent on working through steps and routines as I want to.  The goal of that is to mix time spent drilling, which is more meditative, repetitive, and not requiring a lot of thought, with other aspects of dance that require me to ‘figure out’ and think through what I am working on.

I am also scaling back everything I am doing.  I will be focusing only on international style, and full gold routines for competing.  I will not be competing in smooth anymore.  Boss had wanted to turn the smooth routines into showcase routines, but to me it would be rubbing salt in the wound to work on the routines, but not be able to compete them.

And so ends smooth for me.

It is yet another casualty to cancer.  In all honesty, it hurts a lot, but at the same time I am grateful to still have some way to dance.  My relationships have also taken a huge loss and been damaged through the difficulties of the last month and I do fear they may never really mend.

I saw the surgeon and my hysterectomy will be likely end June/early July.  It will be 4-6 weeks of recovery off of dance and work.  It will be another slow and careful recovery.  The small silver lining is that with a little luck (and I am definitely due!) it will alleviate many of the symptoms from the hormone therapy as I will no longer need ovarian suppression and my hormone levels should fluctuate less allowing my mental health to stabilize.

In the meantime, I wait for a solid date for my surgery and attempt to hold my life together as best I can until then.  Every day is still a struggle, but the past week has seen me become a bit stronger and able to return to strength training.  This week allowed me to return to dance.

I am scared that everything will fall apart again before all of this is finished.  It’s taking a lot to control the depression and anxiety, and I am still in constant pain.  The hot flashes are happening in cycles indicating my ovaries are not as suppressed as they should be.  I have to have another shot in May, but the surgeon told me her goal is for it to be the last one. I truly hope so.

I am taking things one day at a time and trying to live my life as best I can.  I am so far able to work and keep up with it.  Strength training makes me feel better, not drained or exhausted and I am seeing genuine improvement in strength for the first time in almost a year.  In the middle of everything, I managed to finish the first 3 courses of my Masters, and am now working on my 4th.  So far, my lessons have been positive and also leave me feeling better than when I arrived.

I have slowly returned to myself and hope to maintain it.  I have lost much in the last month and I continue to grieve for my fertility–something I expect will continue until after the surgery when it is truly gone.  Things are rocky, difficult, but manageable.

At least for now.

I am back.

As ready as ready can be

Last lessons before the competition are done!

Today was about putting together last minute pieces to the smooth VW and ironing out a few ‘odd spots’ that creeped up in some of the routines as we were running them today.

I feel very good about where I am right now.  Will the routines go perfect and be as strong as possible? No, I don’t expect that, but I do know that the routines will go as well as they can and I will be dancing them instead of just trying to ‘get through’ them.

I realized earlier this week that I am actually quite proud of myself for making the health decisions I did last month that ultimately led to me getting back to being ‘myself’.  Because of that, for the last month I have been able to train better and harder than I have been able to in over 2 years, and the difference is incredible.

On top of that, I am right ‘on target’ with my studying for the week, and aside from a break to get the mandatory mani/pedi for the comp, I should be able to finish up all the work for this week before we leave, leaving me able to relax some and perhaps even get a ‘jump’ on next week’s work over the weekend.

I have one of my dresses back and ready to go, and the other 2 should be ready by noon tomorrow.   I know my dressmaker has been working constantly to get all the stoning done and what I saw of the dresses tonight look absolutely fabulous.  I can’t wait to wear them and sparkle all over the floor.

I got the instructions/demonstration for doing my hair today and it kept itself up all day through 2 intense lessons, acupuncture and a lot of sweat.  That’s promising 🙂

I hope everything goes as expected tomorrow, and plan to just enjoy the experience competing this weekend.

After all, I have already won–I am able to dance again!

Now, I can ‘dance’

I had a bit of a revelation last night.

Since my focus for this upcoming competition is not just on ‘getting through the routines’, there is a completely different focus now.  Now I can actually ‘dance’ the routines–and it seems like it’s been a long time since I have been able to do that.

It’s created a really positive ‘switch’ in my mind and one that I think I needed.  Last night, we were working through rumba, samba and paso and beginning with rumba this revelation suddenly came to the surface.  Especially with rumba as there are times when I can really move through the timing.

Needless to say, I am suddenly just enjoying how I am dancing much more than I have in a very long time.  Or rather I feel like I CAN enjoy what I am doing without having to worry that my legs will give out or I won’t be able to control something. It’s very liberating.

One of the biggest switch is that now when I ask my body to use a little bit of power, it responds.

We were working on Paso last night, in particular a step called ‘the twists’ which involves me moving around Boss then doing a heal turn before moving around him again. It’s a step that moves a lot and involves a lot of shaping when it is done right.  It also involves changing the ‘epicentre’ of the rotation from one partner to the other.  We were working on this switch last night and for whatever reason, I felt very free in what I was doing as well as strong throughout the movement.

Yesterday seems to be a start of a bit of a reawakening that I think has been coming since I stopped the hormone therapy last month and started to get my hormones under control.  I was feeling some small side effects from the injection yesterday–such as nausea, headaches and light-headedness, but already today I can feel myself experiencing the same recovery of energy I had after the last injection.  Definitely a huge relief being only 1 week from competition.

If I were to summarize how I am feeling, I would say that I really just realized that going to this competition, I can actually compete, instead of feeling like ‘filler’ on the floor.  I am trying to keep control, but I can certainly say that excitement for the competition is starting to build–in a good way.

There is still a lot to do to finish the preparations for this competition, but already I feel more prepared and ready for this competition than I have since 2014.

I am ready to dance.

“Smoothing” things out

My lesson last night went fairly well, minus some difficulties with maintaining concentration.

I did get my injection yesterday though and can feel my energy returning and my head clearing which is a huge relief.

We worked on smooth waltz and foxtrot last night and were able to run through both without stopping. It took a few tries to get to that point because I kept forgetting what I was doing, but once I got it together it went well.  We smoothed out some of the styling in both routines.

I stayed to do a little bit of practice myself afterwards in jive, paso and smooth VW, but had to cut the time a little short because my knees were protesting loudly.  Thankfully they are feeling better today and I hope they will be less distracting at my lesson tonight.

The entry lists for the competition next week were posted last night and I am competing against people in almost all of my multi-dances and scholarships, so that is really exciting.

I am not really sure what to think or expect from this competition.  Unlike the last few competitions, the goal for this one doesn’t  have to be ‘just get through everything’.  It’s really my first ‘real’ competition since before my diagnosis, and in a lot of ways feels like a ‘first’ competition.  I do feel more prepared and confident going into this competition and that is a pleasant switch from the last one.  Almost all of my routines have been updated as well so it really is quite a ‘fresh’ start.

It is also the first competition where I will compete in smooth since I left the franchise system in 2014.  I am actually looking forward to it, especially in open where I can really just relax and have fun without a lot of expectations. I have enjoyed working on smooth and have been pleasantly surprised by how elements from smooth have transferred over into my standard and latin.

1 more week of preps!

Smooth Viennese

That was the focus of tonight’s lesson.

We got it to a really good point today where we were able to run through it a couple times without any major issues.  We haven’t tried it with the music yet, but I don’t think we are far off from it.

I like smooth Viennese Waltz.  There is just something about it that appeals to me–perhaps it is just the flow of movements at high speed. Perhaps it is this routine too–the choreography has some really neat and unexpected elements that borrow from another dance–and not one you would expect.  No spoilers though 🙂

We also fixed a passage in the tango that needed a little bit of adjusting so it is not quite so rushed and flows a little smoother.  Slowly things are coming together.

I spent an hour at the gym today working through the Paso like I needed to do.  It was good that I did it as I discovered a couple places where no matter how hard I tried, I am just not able to do the choreography in time with the music–not even close.  I mentioned one of the places to Boss and he was able to make a small fix which helps a lot (so I don’t feel like I am chasing after the music), but I haven’t had a chance to mention the other place yet.  I will have to put that into an email for him so I don’t forget.

I was also working through some of my rumba styling and steps in the squash court (the gyms were being used and they are usually an isolated place with a wood floor), and one of the other dancers who also works in the same place I do (and uses the same gym) popped in to ask me if I was practicing rumba (yay–she could tell!!), and was wondering what I was preparing it for.  It’s really funny how small the world is some times.

The other thing I have been working on myself is one section in samba.  The styling for this section is absolutely killing me.  Nothing a do feels ‘right’.  It all seems too contrived or forced.  I think one of the biggest problems though is that I am not comfortable with the steps–not the mechanics of doing them, but just being comfortable in my own skin doing them.  It’s 12 beats of shaking and shimmying on my own and I am trying to get comfortable and confident about it, but I am just not there yet. I just have to keep doing it over and over until I am comfortable–but the problem is I feel self-conscious about it when there is an audience.

My latest ‘mini-project’ is spins.  I am working on just doing them as much as possible to a) build up my dizzy tolerance and b) build up my confidence and strength in them.  Basically, whenever I go into my kitchen I make myself do 10 spins each way.  That’s enough at a time for now, although I am thinking of switching to 20 on one foot per time to push my tolerance more.  I used to be a lot stronger at them and I really want to be again.  Especially in paso I need to get my spins faster and stronger for the choreography to work. Consistency. That is the name of the game right now.

One more lesson this week tomorrow.  I don’t know what Boss has planned, but I hope it will be a review of everything–especially smooth.  It would be good to run through all the routines with the music.

I started my new medication today and so far so good.  We will see what tomorrow brings.  My hormone levels are definitely going down as I am feeling much more calm and clear headed lately and much less emotional.  Thank goodness.

1 month to the competition and all 13 routines seem to be in a good place and coming together.  Next week should also bring an update on my dresses and I am really looking forward to that!  I wasn’t able to do a fitting this week because my dressmaker was sick, but I hope she is feeling a lot better!

It really amazes me the difference in how I feel this week from last.  I am capitalizing on those good feelings as much as I can!

Sinking it in

At this point, a lot of the routines need repetition, repetition, repetition!

We worked on some more details today, first in samba then rumba and ending with a little bit of paso.  I was told we will review smooth tomorrow and go through the smooth Viennese Waltz.

I made a proposal to Boss today which he accepted as a good idea and that was to suggest we take some time, separate from lessons to work through the styling and only the styling for the smooth and latin routines.  The point is to sync our styling together, get rid of any strange things that don’t make sense and make sure that the routines have a strong sense of performance. I want to do it in a focused block for the focus and to ensure nothing gets put aside.  I also don’t really want to put any time limit on it–we do it until we finish.

The biggest problem right now is actually to find time when both of us are available to do it, but the hope is that we will be able to do it over the Christmas break.

The work today in samba was just to clean and work through one small part that just didn’t work well at the last competition.  We got the idea sorted, I just have to work a little bit on the timing for my part.

The work in rumba was focused on establishing and using our connection to execute the steps.  This gives the step a little more ‘snap’ and ‘power’ and contributes the flow of the routine as it works with the hip action.  It also allowed us to clarify the timing in a couple parts and cement the steps in the parts that are newer.  I am very eager to put this routine on the floor.

We didn’t have a lot of time to work in Paso today and I was starting to feel a bit sick near the end of my lesson.  We clarified and fixed a little bit of the timing and choreography so I can start to work through the routine on my own.  I don’t know why, but I find Paso really hard to learn and work on by myself.  It’s the equivalent to the foxtrot in standard–my mind just never seems to want to completely put it together.  Perhaps it is because it is such a strong partnered dance and the frame and strength of the couple is so pivotal to it.

On the health front, I did have my hormone surge yesterday and it was a really rocky and emotional day.  On top of that, I had a terrible time getting to sleep even with medication as my mind was just spinning in twenty different directions.

I also found out yesterday that my medical coverage will not cover the medication that was prescribed by the endocrinologist unless I try another medication first and return to see a dietician.  I am not looking forward to trying the alternate medication as it is known for having terrible gastric side effects, but if I don’t it is like I am condemning myself to being overweight.  I did achieve a small win in that I was allowed to choose the dietician I see and I chose one who specializes in sports nutrition and is a former pro ballet dancer.  I had a brief conversation with her today and already I can tell she will be different from the dieticians I had seen previously.  I will see her early in the new year and I am looking forward to it.

I will start the new medication tomorrow and I really hope it a) works and does what it is supposed to, and b) doesn’t give too bad side effects.

I am looking forward to working through smooth tomorrow.  We have some feedback from the pro who choreographed the routines to incorporate and that should be interesting.

I am already starting to feel better today after the hormone surge of yesterday and I am taking that as a good sign.  I started having some hot flashes in my lessons which made me feel a little nauseous near the end, but my mind is clearing and I am more calm and less agitated.

Fingers crossed everything will continue to improve!