Unexpected news

For the men who read this blog, be forewarned–this is going to be a ‘lady’ post.

After 18 months of enduring menopause symptoms, the bloodwork I had done on Monday showed my body is actively trying to return to it’s usual cycle.

That means I was right when I said the symptoms I was having two weeks ago when I felt exhausted, nauseous, headachy, and fuzzy-headed almost seemed like PMS.

In a nutshell, it pretty much was.

It means that any month now, my periods could return and with it regular ovulation.

This means I have to make a big decision about birth control, including whether I want to have a tubal ligation to permanently remove the risk of pregnancy.

It’s one thing to find out that you are no longer fertile due to health complications, it’s another to have to make that choice yourself for health reasons.

I am 37, single, and will be on hormone therapy for at least 5 years.  While taking HT, pregnancy is a big no-no.  When I finish hormone therapy, I will be 42–an age where pregnancy under normal circumstances can be risky.

My doctor is recommending the tubal ligation to eliminate that possible risk to my health.

I am not sure that I am ready to commit to that voluntarily. I have no way of knowing where I will be in my life in 5 years, how my health will be, or what life choices I will want to make at that time.

On the other hand, another option could be a total hysterectomy which would mean changing the HT I am on and going through menopause again.  It would also eliminate the chance of ovarian, cervical and uterine cancer.  Once my body adapted to not having ovaries anymore, my hormones should settle down.

One thing that keeps me on the fence is the PMS symptoms I experience.  They are debilitating and unfortunately uncontrollable (since I can’t take hormones).  4 days out of every month I can expect to be almost non-functional, and I am not sure if preserving my fertility is worth enduring that until my body naturally goes into menopause.  That said, those symptoms may not be ‘normal’ for me and may be changeable as my body works to return to ‘normal’ cycles.  At this point, there is no telling what ‘normal’ is for me.  It could be a 4-week cycle with 4 days of PMS, it could be shorter or longer.

As I have mentioned before, I had issues with hormones for more than a year before I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was diagnosed with PMDD–Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder–a severe form of PMS to the point where it disrupts regular life.  It is a combination of mental and physical symptoms, but things like difficulty concentrating, anxiety, depression, mood swings, irritability and fatigue are some of the main mood issues.  The symptoms disappear completely the day menstruation starts.  To put it in a nutshell, when I experience these symptoms, I don’t feel like myself and I feel helpless to control how I react and act.  It is like I have to watch while someone else takes over my body for a few days.

This, more than anything else, upsets and makes me anxious about the news that my body is coming out of menopause.  At my worse, these symptoms lasted more than a week, and were occurring every 3 weeks.  Basically I got about 1 week out of month to feel ‘normal’ and like myself.  It affected every area of my life from my relationships to work to dance.

I don’t want to go back there again.

My periods themselves have not yet returned but I have a feeling it’s only a matter of time.  My oncologist actually told me if they do return while on the HT there might be a study for me to join as this is apparently a bit unusual.

It sometimes seems like as soon as I get one thing sorted, another pops up.  A friend of mine summed it up that this is just another ‘inject’ in my life I will have to deal with, and those words are very true.  But he also reminded me I have support.

I still feel like I should apologize in advance to every one I know before my hormones take over.  I hope the specialist will have some palatable options, but I am not looking forward to the decisions I will have to make.

F*&% cancer.


Sometimes I feel like I am thinking through water.

One of the side effects of chemo and radiation that seems to be lingering is how quickly I get mentally fatigued.  By the end of the day, especially on Monday, my brain feels really fuzzy and I just can’t seem to process things.

Monday can be especially frustrating as by the time I get to my lesson I am really near the end of my limits.  I practice before my lesson, and I do strength training earlier in the day, on top of a full day of work.  My lesson is more or less the last thing I do, and I am first to admit I have a hard time staying ‘on my game’.

Today was no exception.  We were working on the open standard routines, going through the choreography and trying to run-through the sequences with the music as best I could.  Usually, I can pick up the footwork and timing of new choreography really quickly, but today I kept making the same mistakes over and over and I just couldn’t seem to get my mind to wrap around what I was doing.  I just couldn’t keep track of where I was and what I was trying to do.

Boss was trying really hard to be patient, but I could tell he was also getting frustrated.  He is not used to me struggling so much with something, and certainly not used to me making the same mistakes repeatedly.

It wasn’t helping that I hadn’t had a chance to review the standard sequences, and get the footwork into my feet.  That is my plan before my lesson on Thursday–to get comfortable moving through the steps and timing in all 7 open sequences so that we can start working on other details (like the shaping), and so that when the competitive practice comes on Sunday, I will be able to run-through the sequences.

Frustration is bound to happen here and there.  I am still adjusting, and it hasn’t even been a full year since I finished radiation yet.  Almost there, but not quite.  I have seen some good progress, but I am still not quite where I was.  I am ready though to put in a bit of extra time to reach my goals.  I just hope my body holds out for it.

I did try running again today, but I am not sure yet if I can say it was a success.  My knees are definitely stiff and sore tonight, more so than they have been.  Tomorrow will be the teller–if they are ok tomorrow I am good to go.  If they are still sore, I am not.

Fingers crossed that today will be the only frustrating thing this week.

Shimmy Shimmy Shake

Oh good lord…

That was my exact response when Boss proposed we do a section of ‘shimmying’ in our open samba routine.

But, I have been trying to get out of my comfort zone and shimmying is definitely out there.  After a few rather hilarious attempts to get me shimmying rather than twisting, it seemed to start to come together.  The worse part is that I will have to spend a lot of random moments shimmying to keep the sensation in my head…so guess what I may be doing in the office tomorrow to get out of my chair.  Thankfully my colleagues are used to me doing random weird dance things.

Today’s lesson was about putting together 3 open latin routine for the competition in October.  Mostly, Boss added some open variations to the routines I already had, so it wasn’t too complicated but each routine certainly has it’s challenges.  Samba seems to be the trickiest, but it was last tonight and my mental capacity was definitely fading.  My mind was just spinning trying to keep track of all the steps.

We were able to record Boss doing my steps for all 3 routines so I have something to reference when I have some time to think through the routines.  I like the variations a lot and look forward to seeing what will happen with the standard routines on Thursday.

It occurred to me this weekend that there are only 6 weeks left until this competition.  We will be sending in the entries soon, and booking the hotel.  I am excited and nervous at the same time.  It’s been a really long time since I have done focused work to prepare for a competition and it still seems a bit surreal.  We are even starting to do some planning for the competition after that in January.

There are only 3 open latin routines so far because I will only be doing 3 latin dances.  We actually have elements for the 4th (jive), but none of the events I will do at this upcoming competition will have either jive or paso, so they are not a priority right now.

In standard, Boss told me he will do more of the same–substitute some open steps into my existing routines, at least for Waltz, Tango and Foxtrot.  Quickstep I imagine is a lot more tricky as open Quickstep is very different from syllabus Quickstep.  I guess I will see on Thursday.  For my Viennese Waltz we will try adding some pivots and see how they go.  We have been working on them, so I hope they will go well.  I actually haven’t really done VW in almost 6 months, so that should be an interesting experiment.

One thing the open latin routines don’t have that I think I would like to see added is a small entrance to the routines.  I will have to float that idea by boss.  I have some ideas, and I think something to ‘set the stage’ might be interesting.

Tomorrow is another step forward–I have a dress fitting!  I haven’t seen my dresses in over a month, so I am really looking forward to see where they are at.  We are getting to the stage where soon the sparkly stuff will be coming out, so that is really exciting.  The competition in October will be my ‘debut’ for these new dresses.

Going back to shimmying, the reason it is so outside my comfort zone is that I am still thinking a lot of the shape I used to be.  In the last few weeks, weight has actually started to come off, instead of just reducing in size, but I still see myself as someone much larger than I actually am.  So the idea of shimmying and shaking immediately brings to mind that it’s too flamboyant and that I shouldn’t be doing it.  Boss thinks the whole effect is a lot of fun and he has me doing a lot of hip movements in all the routines.  I guess it’s good to show off my ‘ass’ets.  Boss did make a point that I can do a lot of these things because it doesn’t take a lot of momentum for me to have a good effect. That is one thing I can’t disagree with.

The routines in general have given me some things to think about and consider.  There are elements where I get to bring some of my personality to the routines, and I need to figure out how to do that.  It’s a challenge, outside my comfort zone, and probably just what I need.



Change of Direction

When I had my lesson last week, at the end of it Boss mentioned that we should sit down and sort through my goals and other things.

I was really glad to hear that as I had been waiting for him to be ready to talk about goals and focus since I returned from my last surgery.  The main thing was Boss needed some time to see where I was physically and figure out what I needed to focus on.

I have been having some trouble cognitively lately (a chemo side effect, and/or HT side effect), and I just can’t seem to maintain my focus on any extended conversation.  It’s been getting gradually worse, but during one of my lessons last week Boss and I talked about style in latin and I retained very little of the conversation.

Because of that, when Boss said he wanted to talk about goals and focus, I immediately asked him to put the plan in writing for me.  I also asked him if we could look at everything comprehensively as he had indicated he wanted to make some changes to how I was working and restructure some things.

He agreed with me and is now thinking more comprehensively and hopes to have everything written and laid out to send to me to review before we discuss it–which will help my comprehension and save us discussion time as I can figure out my questions beforehand.

One of the main things Boss told me he wants to change up is my practices–with a switch from less drilling of specific techniques to working on ‘mini-sequences’ from my routines that consist of 3-4 steps.  Instead of working on just spin turns in waltz, I will now work on them in context with other steps from my routine–and in detail.  The goal is to have the steps with all the details (sway, alignment, technique, foot position, hip action) done in time with the music on my own.

I am not sure yet what my new schedule will look like, but I am looking forward to the change.  It’s almost a step beyond what I was doing before–I am going to be taking the techniques I have been practicing and figuring out how to apply them to my routines.

I am also really glad for the change in structure.  While I do really like the way I am working right now, I have been working that way for more than two years and it will be nice to refresh and try a new approach to how I am learning.  I think the change will be good for me mentally and hopefully will help with some of my struggles in motivation.

I fully expect some growing pains.  I don’t do change well, but as long as there is a definitive structure to the new plan I should be able to adjust.  Structure is key for me–otherwise I panic.  I can be flexible within a structure (like changing one day for another), but the outline needs to be there for me to work within.

Change is good.  I keep telling myself that 🙂

Tonight we already started working on some of the mini-sequences I will be doing in foxtrot, waltz and jive.  Boss seems to have a plan for what to give me from other dances as well.  He told me I am now learning things ‘exactly like the book’, which seems to be a natural way of learning for me–very precisely and in detail.

What we did today seems to make sense and the good thing is that I have enough of a foundation to be able to work through the sequences in the detail I want without getting overwhelmed.  Some things are coming almost naturally, so that is good.

I am eager to see what Boss comes up with later this week.

Change is good.


1 year since my last chemo treatment.

Seems almost impossible at this point looking back.  All I remember was feeling bad that I felt so sick and weak at the time I didn’t have the energy to celebrate then.

So much has happened in the last year and I have come so far.  I have had radiation, shingles, 3 surgeries, returned to work, returned to strength training, returned to running and returned to structured dance training.  I have hair now!

There were some goals I reached (such as performing, regular workouts, structured eating), and some that are still works in progress (still have the extra 30lbs hanging around from chemo, even though I am smaller!).

I wonder if July 17th will be a day that will stick in my head for a long time yet.  It is almost a milestone, where I can look back over the last year and see the progress I have done.

Even a year later, I still suffer from side effects from the treatments.  I am still showing signs of premature menopause and it is getting less likely that will ever reverse.  I am still struggling with dry skin, something I never had before chemo.  My brain still gets very foggy and I have a hard time processing things verbally.  I often forget words in the middle of a sentence.

But I am here and in general doing well.  Last week was a challenge as I got a stomach virus which messed up the levels of HT in my system and caused side effects from that to act up.  I think I slept more than 12 hours 5 out of the last 7 days, but have had to take full doses of my insomnia meds to do so.

That’s the trickiest thing I am encountering right now–how to tell what is side effects, what is an actual illness and what is just general fatigue?  I am looking forward at the next two weeks and taking them to be the real adjustment period to working 6 hour days.

I also see a physio therapist next week for my knees–hopefully that will help and ‘reduce activity’ won’t be the first thing on the menu.

I missed practice and my lesson at the end of last week, but made it up on Friday (the lesson anyway).  It was a great lesson–Boss and I were working through the first smooth routine designed for us by the judge I mentioned.  Such a fun routine!

I will post more about that next week.  Boss also told me he is ready to discuss goals now that he knows where I am physically so I am looking forward to that.

I am going to leave you with something I haven’t done, and likely won’t again–before, during and after photos.  So here you–this is me 1 week before chemo, about halfway through, and me today.

Keep smiling and dancing!


Falling apart?

Sometimes, small things make a difference.

My demons are still running pretty wild. But that is all I want to say about them right now.

I am in a bit of an adjustment period it seems.  With the increase of work hours last week I am having to give myself some time to adapt.

Or at least I am trying.

My weight training was taking too much time and leaving me pretty worn out, so my trainer has cut my exercises from 3 sets to 2.  I did that adjustment today and I felt much better after.

Unfortunately, I seem to have some issues with the hormone therapy again.  When I saw the oncologist last week, we discussed that as I get further from chemo (I am almost at the 1 year mark for my last treatment!), my body may try more and more to return back to it’s normal hormonal womanly cycles.

One thing I have noticed is that there does seem to be a cycle of side effects–I have a week where the hot flashes are very frequent and intense with nausea and I am much more tired, and then I have weeks where I barely notice hot flashes or side effects at all.

This seems to be a week of more intense side effects.  They started just before the weekend and were really bad today.  I almost stopped my workout and considered canceling dance because I felt so sick.  On top of the hot flashes and nausea, I can’t seem to feel rested, I am having a more difficult time sleeping and I am overly emotional.

The exercise, despite how difficult it was, seemed to help.  About at the point where I was going to stop I started feeling better.  I did make it to dance and did my full practice today.  The hot flashes seem to be better tonight than earlier today.  I hope it’s a sign that this ‘cycle’ will start spinning down and I will have some normal days.

On top of dealing with HT side effects, I can’t seem to catch a break in other areas.  My knees are really starting to bother me and anti-inflammatories, and other pain control methods are starting to stop working.  I am pretty sure it is the running (more than anything else) that is causing the pain, but at this point going up and down stairs is really painful.  They feel ok when I run, dance or do weight training, but they stiffen up afterwards and get really angry after not being used for a while. I have been avoiding it, but I think I might have to ask to return to physio for them (they were an issue before my cancer diagnosis).  I just hate to have another issue to deal with.

I also started getting shooting pain the area of my belly scar on the left side now and then.  I can’t seem to nail down specifically any movement that causes it specifically, but the pains are getting more intense each time.  Again, doing exercises for my core doesn’t seem to make the pain happen, they are very random, but getting concerning.

All of this has led to a day where I feel like having just got my body back together, it is determined to fall back apart on me.  I am just starting to get into a good and consistent rhythm with everything, and it is looking more and more that these issues could derail all my progress–both in work, strength training and dance.

Ever feel like you just can’t catch a break?


Mish Mash

That’s a good description for my mind right now.

It’s like the pictures in my head (I think in pictures) are all under water and I can’t clear them up.

The last 24+ hours has been a bit of a personal hell.  The side effects from the HT seems to have ramped up to super mode.  I went to bed exhausted at 630 pm last night, meaning I didn’t get any practice in.  I woke up briefly at midnight to a hot flash, then again at 430 for more than 1 hour of ‘cascading’ hot flashes (best description I can think of for repetitive and building).  I fell back asleep and work at 830 to go to work.  I have had constant nausea so bad gravol wasn’t keeping it at bay and it was keeping me awake as well.

If it weren’t for my apartment building undergoing massive roofing repairs and that I live on the top floor, I would not have gone to work.  But the only thing I could think of worse than how I felt was to feel that way while sitting around at home with nothing to do but listen to roofers pound and bang on my ceiling.  At least work was a distraction and my supervisor is well aware that I am not doing the best.

I have no focus or concentration.  I start reading things and find myself fading in and out.  I tried to write at work today (which is one of my main jobs), and I couldn’t put the words together.  It’s only 730 pm and I am ready to go back to bed.

I have had serious debates with myself over the last 48-hours if what I am going through is worth it.  Then I remembered that I have only been on the full dose of HT for 1 week.  It’s only been 1 WEEK.  It seems much longer.  I am trying to figure how much longer I can stand these side effects.  I feel like I did on my worse days of chemo :(.

I feel so weak and tired that any extra activity at the gym or practice has reached the point where it is not helping me, it is hindering me, so I have to stop going until I feel better.  My legs are a bit like rubber.

The small silver lining and hope I am clinging to is that when I was on the 1/2 dose, after almost 2 weeks I started to feel normal again.  So I hope that as I reach the 2 week mark next week, things will lessen. I am planning for a rocky weekend and trying to give myself at least until the 2 week mark to adjust to the new dose.

I am trying to keep myself busy in the meantime.  I am still thinking a lot about dance and costs and pro/am.  Big should out to The Girl with the Tree Tattoo and her ‘Dance Diaries’ books.  I won an advanced copy of her second book on ballroom budgeting and had a chance to read it over the last couple days.  For anyone doing dance, especially pro/am, I highly recommend reading her first book and checking out her second when it is published in the next little while.  I am not going to give away any secrets, but I will say that the second book on budgeting said a lot of things about the cost of dance and pro/am I have been thinking and providing just the things I needed to hear as I am trying to figure out what to do with the future.

I also had a fitting at Spirals Designs for my new competition dresses yesterday and that helped a little bit too.  I am excited about finally getting some new dresses and my new standard dress (which I call ’emerald wine’) is really coming together.  I had forgotten how rich the velvet looks and it felt amazing to try the dress on–even while trying to avoid getting poked with multiple pins :).  I am looking forward to my next fitting in a couple weeks.

This week has definitely been a challenge.  Only being able to practice once and strength training twice has been frustrating.  The amount of sleep I have been needing is daunting.  I think there is nothing worse than constantly feeling nauseous and not being able to really do anything about it–the gravol is just taking the edge off.

But I have to give my body time to adjust and even though I feel terrible, I still feel marginally better than the first time I tried HT.  I am trying to keep my strength together.  I noticed my resting heart rate is down today, so I hope that’s a sign my body is starting to adjust.  I have 2 days of virtually nothing ahead of me except rest.

I thought the hard part was behind me, but I am re-ordering my thinking so I can get through this too.Read More »

Memories of chemo….

Unfortunately, that is what keeps flashing back today.

As I try to navigate the side effects of the hormone therapy, I am struck by the parallels between how I feel now and how I felt on chemo.  Today I feel almost the same as I did 3 days after chemo treatment–weak, tired, achy, nauseous and headachy.

But I got through chemo, and I will weather this.  Gravol and Ibuprofen help and I am determined to go out tonight to see a friend perform in a dance showcase.  I missed the last 3 performances due to treatments.

The reminders of chemo started this morning when I took my Tamoxifen pill. I am not sure if it is possible for those who have never experienced it to understand, but I am going to try to describe what I am feeling.

The similarity to chemo is that I am forcing myself to put into my body something that I know will make me feel terrible–even if it is short-term and meant to help keep me alive.  HT is not as toxic as chemo by any means, but for me the feeling is the same–likely because of the side effects I experienced the first time I took it.

I don’t feel quite as bad as I did the first time I took the full dose of HT, but it still takes a bit of convincing to swallow that pill.

When you undergo chemo, for the most part, you come into a big room with green and blue recliner chairs to sit in while a nurse hooks you up to an IV.  Depending on the specific chemo treatment, it can take any amount of time.  My treatments ranged from 2-4 hours.  The first combination of chemo drugs I was on are considered so toxic a nurse has to manually inject them from a giant syringe to maintain control and reduce the change of a spill or risk of the drug causing damage to the tissue.  I was told if the drug spilled, they had to call a ‘HAZMAT’ team to come clean it up.  And this is what was being put in my body.

In comparison to others, I actually got fairly lucky with my chemo side effects.  Although I felt sick almost all the time, I never actually was sick.  Most of the really extreme side effects I experienced were more due to the drugs I had to take to prevent side effects.

Despite that, I still get a strong feeling of dread when I have to go into the cancer clinic for my follow-up appointments.  It doesn’t help that the reception for all the clinics are now located just adjacent to the chemo ward, so there is almost no avoiding it.

On top of that, recently quite a few ERs are now using the same chairs in their wait rooms for patients who need IV treatments to free up beds.  So when I go to the emergency room I am greeted by the sight of patients in ‘chemo’ chairs receiving IVs.  Thankfully, I haven’t had to go to the ER in quite some time.

I did have one bad experience at an ER on the mainland to get treatment for one of my post-op infections.  Once it was determined I had an infection and needed IV antibiotics, the nurse offered to have me sit in a chair to be more comfortable.  The idea of sitting in that chair to get an IV upset me so much I started shaking and had a small panic attack.  Once I got set up in a bed to get the IV, I explained that the chairs were used for chemo and the nurse had an ‘aha’ moment.  I personally hope to never have to sit in one of those chairs again.

I was told that sometimes chemo patients will have some lingering ‘post-traumatic’ symptoms after treatments finished, but until I experienced them myself I didn’t fully appreciate how difficult chemo is.  To put it in a bit of a nutshell–during chemo you literally have to sit still and knowingly allow someone to mildly poison you.  And on top of that, you generally feel grateful for it.  That is almost the hardest part.  I don’t regret doing chemo, even with the lingering side effects of premature menopause and other things, but I don’t want to do it again.

It hit me most how much chemo had affected me watching the series ‘Breaking Bad’ just before my last surgery.  In the first season, there are a couple episodes where Walt undergoes chemo and it shows him experiencing the side effects.  I was so upset by those scenes I had to stop watching the series for a couple weeks before I could go back.  I was relieved when Walt got past that point in his treatments.  It was just a little too close to reality for me.

So, as I continue with the HT and experience the side effects I am trying to stay busy and positive (perhaps partly why I am writing this).  On the one hand, I wish Boss wasn’t away so I would have some lessons to help keep me buys, but on the other I am glad he is away so I can deal with this while on a break from lessons, and he doesn’t have to see how much I am struggling…again.

I am trying not to draw parallels between the two treatments, but it is hard as many of the feelings are similar.  At least the HT isn’t administered by IV.  I still remain optimistic if I can just get through the next week things will start feeling better.  I am going to try to stay as active as I can, give myself a break when I need it and try to be patient and hope my body adjusts.

I need to remember I am doing this for a good reason–to give myself the best chance of staying cancer-free.

Tangoing out

I felt marginally better today.

I did make it to my lesson, and Boss and I worked on the smooth tango routine given to me by the visiting pro and finally got it recorded so we won’t forget it.  We actually got what we had (which is about 1/2 a routine) to the point where we could do it in time with the music.  It was fun to work on and a good distraction.

I also finally heard from the oncologist directly today.  He told me he doesn’t know why the menopause symptoms have come back even though I have been taking medication to control them, but that it was a definite sign that my ovaries are ‘dead’.

Not shocking news as it has been more than a year now since they showed any signs of starting to work again.  Still a little hard to hear at 37.

Thankfully, he decided that instead of adding a new medication, it would be best to increase the dose on the one I am already taking to see if that helps to control the menopause symptoms.  I like this strategy much better.

Having to increase the dose and get these symptoms under control means there will be a delay to my trying the hormone therapy again.  It takes almost 1 month for the medication to reach full effectiveness and my oncologist wants to get my symptoms as much under control as possible before I start the HT which causes the same symptoms to be worse.

I will see the oncologist next at the end of May and we will go from there.  The plan is to still start the HT at 1/2 dose and see how it goes.

I am still nervous for my surgery on Friday but I am really hoping it goes well and finally it will be the end of complications and that there will be an end in sight.  I have decided to look forward as though all will be well and on the timeline I have been given and that when I return to dance in June I will be able to really commit myself and focus on moving forward.

Boss told me today that I will have an opportunity to do my silver tests in August, so that is something to look forward to for sure.  I have some small plans for how I want to rebuild and I hope I will be able to carry them out.

I don’t know if I will dance tomorrow night before my surgery, but I hope I will have an opportunity.  Just waiting to hear from Boss on that.

I’m Back!

I got home on Friday, but it took until today to put myself back together a bit.

I have been in a bit of a ‘funk’ in the past week, but today I pulled myself out of it and went to the gym to practice.  It definitely did me some good.  It’s been over a week since I danced and once I started I was very glad to be back to it.

Except for one thing…my feet.  They are not liking the working in the new shoes very much and kept cramping up really painfully, especially in my standard exercises.  I can say, at least, that I seem to have all the feeling back in my feet.  I just wish it wasn’t pain I was feeling.

It’s ok, because after about two weeks of consistent work the cramps should hopefully start to work themselves out.

I was really glad I took the time to practice today.  I have been pretty restless and nervous today because tomorrow I have the small surgery to get my port out.  That will be the official end of chemo (yay!).  I am told it’s a pretty small and easy surgery done under local anesthetic, but I really don’t like the idea of that.  At least this time tomorrow, it will be all over and I should on have about 3 stitches in my chest to recover from.

Radiation starts Tuesday.  Something else that is making me anxious.

Time marches forward though, and with it my anxiousness will dissipate.

I am on my own for practice next week since Boss is still on vacation.  He was really energized after his competition and when I saw him briefly earlier this week he really flooded me with all sorts of ideas for what we can do.  It looks like I will have 2 weeks of having 3 lessons/week to make up for those I missed during his vacation and he wants to work on the smooth routines during that lesson.

It seems we are both on a similar page on what we want to work on, but I expect I will know that better sometime next weekend when Boss catches up on his work emails, and we will probably discuss the goals I set out for radiation and until my surgery.

That’s all for now!