I am not one for resolutions.
I do however give myself something to focus on each year–like a goal for the year.
The last two years of my life have been given to cancer. In 2015 my goal was to get through all my treatments as best and as positively as I could. In 2016 my goal was to recover from all my treatments, return to work, and get back to a normal life.
I have decided that 2017 is going to be about me.
I have been giving a lot of thought lately to the hormone therapy. While I am now on an ovarian suppressant, my oncologist hinted that once I am stable on it he would like me to try a different type of hormone therapy with it.
It would take a lot of very strong and positive convincing for me to go back to taking hormone therapy again. I felt so terrible while I was taking the hormone therapy even though I tried very hard to convince myself that I was doing ok. Now that I am free from it’s influence, it is very easy and startling to see how much of an impact it had on every aspect of my life.
While I understand the benefits taking hormone therapy provides to preventing a recurrence of cancer, I also understand that for me, there is no value in extending my life if I am not able to live it. So without any regrets, I will refuse to return to HT. I might have a shorter life, but I will live it fully. I will not go back to feeling that bad again.
With the newfound vigor I have discovered, I find myself truly looking forward to the year ahead and focusing on me. I am going to start my masters degree in a week, I am going to compete in 3, and I am going to keep my energy focused on the things that are important to me.
As far as dance, I decided a couple weeks ago that I want to reset and get back to some basics after this competition. With my recent reawakening, I have realized that I have lost some of the basic skills I had before I got sick and I need to take the time to redevelop them. I also want to rebuild my strength, fitness and endurance.
2017 is going to be MY year.