Not here quite yet, but I can feel it coming. Pre-competition Disorder. Essentially when students freak out before a competition and panic they won’t be ready.
I am usually pretty good at managing it, but this is a bit of a ‘come-back’ comp and all of my routines are new. And I actually have people to compete against–which has been a long time for me.
In my lesson today, we were running through my solo for the competition. It’s almost choreographed, and we were able to get through it from mid-beginning to where the choreography stops almost near the end. It was videotaped and it doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would.
I will admit there was a point in my lesson today when I seriously considered suggesting dropping doing the solo. Boss was being a little frustrated with me because I wasn’t quite getting something, and suggested we ‘simplify’ it so it can be ready. There is nothing I hate more than not being given a chance to learn something before Boss decides to ‘simplify’ it. In the end, I got the step as he originally wanted it, so small victory for me.
After that, he gave me a choice of whether to run-through the routine or to just work on little parts. I chose to run-through it as I knew that mostly I needed to repeat it in context to get the footwork in my feet. I know the parts that need a little more focused work, and some of them I just need to work through on my own.
I am not really sure why, but I was struggling with two things today–first, my knees were excruciatingly sore. I didn’t want to bend them and I was compensating for them without really realizing it. I am not sure why they were so flared up. Wednesday is the day I don’t have strength training, so they were able to take it easy all day. I am actually wondering if it is the rest they don’t like.
The second thing I was struggling with was dizziness–which is definitely an issue when doing Viennese Waltz! What was strange was that I was finding myself a lot more dizzy than I usually would be, and sometimes felt dizzy for no reason. The dizziness was also one of the reasons I wanted to cut back on the medication–I had been finding it more and more in the last couple weeks, and I am hoping as I cutback the dizziness will go away.
I just don’t need anymore health issues right now.
I think the combination of my knees, the dizziness and feeling the pressure of putting together a complicated solo two weeks before a competition is starting to get to me a little bit. I found myself feeling a little overwhelmed during my lesson.
I stayed for practice tonight and ran through each of my open silver routines as best I could on my own. They weren’t too bad, but I could tell I was tired. That said, the only one that gave me a lot of grief was foxtrot, which I was working on last. Quickstep is still a little fragmented, but tango has really become ironed out. I was able to focus on styling a little in cha cha, especially the beginning which is more side-by-side.
I have my final lesson this week tomorrow, and the plan is to run through the solo more, hopefully from top to bottom. We also need to run through the Paso Doble before the competitive practice on Sunday. Boss also mentioned he wanted to work through Viennese Waltz just on it’s own because he found in the solo I wasn’t ‘really moving’ and seemed to be struggling with the actual VW part. I did tell him I was keeping things small on purpose for my knees, which I guess made sense to him. I hope my knees are better tomorrow.
One thing that is adding to my stress a little bit is the news that my roommate was given an offer for his own place, so he will be moving out the end of October. It was quite a bit unexpected, for him and for me, and it means I have to scramble to find a new roommate. While I can pay all the bills on my own and even keep myself in lessons, no roommate means almost no savings for competitions. Therefore, if I don’t find a new roommate then the competition over Thanksgiving will be my last until I am able to find a new roommate. It sucks, but it is what it is, and I will just have to see how things progress. I think I have already resigned myself a bit to not being able to afford to do the next competition in January.
Today was my first day on the lower dose of the medication and there seems to be a little bit of difference already–in a positive way. I can say for sure that my digestive system is feeling a little happier today, and there is less metallic taste in my mouth. I am going to hold on to those signs and hope it keeps moving forward. I am though a little concerned that the reason I feel a little bit overwhelmed is also because of the dose change. The medication affects mood, and has to be ‘weaned’ off to avoid a ‘crash’ if it is stopped suddenly. I am of course ‘weaning’, but I think it would be irrational of me to think that cutting the dose in half won’t have even the slightest effect on my mood.
I am dealing with it though–as best as I know how :).