Finding my Limits

Yesterday was a bit of an interesting lesson.

We were working on standard, and the main theme seemed to be for me to do more.  Boss told me that I should keeping working to do as much as I can until he tells me I have done too much.

It’s weird how difficult that seems. I am not sure if it is difficult because I fear doing too much and failing, or if it is merely that I am completely unaware of what is possible for me to do.  It could be a combination of both even.

Often, I think that I am doing as much as possible, but then after I realize I was still working to keep everything calm and controlled.  It’s a hard balance to find.  I need to try to find the outer limits within my control–meaning the point at which I can do the big movements, and can stretch and use my head as much as possible, but still maintain balance in the couple.

It’s a bit of trial and error, but it is the error part that holds me back a bit.  I completely lack confidence in my abilities and my dancing.

It also came up as we were running through the full routines at the end of the lesson.  I really don’t know the sequence of steps in my new routines and some of them are very similar to the old routines with small changes of additional steps here and there.

Basically, after the first few steps, I change from confident to unsure following mode where I am relying completely on Boss to lead me.  The message to me is that I need to get the sequence of steps solid in my head so that I can open up and go through the movements as best I can and add the head styling and sway.

One of the things that is actually impressing myself a little is how much I am able to maintain my frame and stay stretched out.  There are moments I have to watch that I don’t turn out my left side, but everything is so much more stable now than when I was sick and it is finally dawning on me how unstable everything was before.

We also started working a bit on sharpness in tango for the changes from closed to promenade and back to closed.

My endurance in general seems to still be a bit of a problem, especially in my legs, of all things.  There was a moment running through waltz where my legs turned to jelly on me and I had to stop a moment to recollect them.  I am hoping with more run-throughs and my new strength training program (that has added some new leg exercises), my leg endurance will start to gradually increase with everything else.

Boss did tell me that it looks like we may be returning to having run-through practices on Sundays in September.  He just needs a couple more couples to commit to cover his costs for renting the hall for the practice, and he seems pretty sure he can get them.  I am excited at the prospect of re-starting those as I have missed them a lot, but also a little anxious about what my endurance will be like.

Practice today, trying not to melt in the heat.  It’s rare the temp goes about 25 degrees here, and we have been close to or above 30 most of the week.

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