The more they stay the same…
I mentioned in my last post that Boss and I had sat down a couple weeks ago and put together a pretty amazing plan that I was really psyched about.
Earlier this week though, I asked Boss to clarify a couple of details and it seems already things in the plan are changing–without explanation. One of them was one of the main things I wanted included, which Boss had been telling me would come back for more than 3 months now.
It suddenly changed from ‘yes we will do something like this’, to ‘no, there is no plan for that’. Then when I asked I got 3 different reasons, all of which were different from the previous reasons. I didn’t take that change well.
There are very few things in dance that I insist upon, but when I do, then I do expect them to be included. I was asking for something we used to do previously to be returned after more than a year without. It is something I missed terribly from dance, that really helped to put everything I was working on into context and perspective.
Boss however, disagreed about the necessity of this one aspect of dance and told me they wouldn’t improve my dancing, and told me that I am too focused on improving as fast as possible.
I can’t remember the last time I felt so misunderstood. At the end of a very tiring and stressful week, the last thing I needed to hear was that Boss had no idea what really motivated me in dance. It was incredibly disappointing.
On top of that, he told me that I was over-reacting because I was so stressed and tired and having a difficult time, which felt incredibly dismissive.
I think we got things sorted out in the end, in that the thing I asked for will be added to my lessons until they can be done outside of them, but I am still concerned about Boss’s perception of my approach to dance.
If Boss can’t accept and understand what is important to me in dance and what isn’t, how can he teach me?
For now I have my fingers crossed that the information I sent him will make sense and he can understand that what is important to me is not improving or progress, but the journey of dance. Just because I work hard doesn’t mean I am focused and concerned about how fast I will progress, or that I am trying to force progress to come faster. I work hard because I enjoy working hard and there is a deep sense of satisfaction that comes with knowing I have been able to do my best during a practice or lesson or anything I do. I have goals, but I am not in any rush to achieve them. The fun is in getting there.
I am hoping we can sort through this and finally clarify the plan without any more major changes. This seems to be an old argument between Boss and I, but I am hopeful that maybe this time it might be the last.
But you never really know.