Ups and downs

The roller coaster of life continues.

I had a lesson on Wednesday, but Thursday and Friday I found myself not feeling well and with the surgery coming up next week, I decided it was best to take a few days off.

In all honesty, I think stress is the biggest contributing factor to me not feeling well.  It’s been a busy week.

My lesson on Wednesday was difficult for me. Partly because I was upset about something that happened earlier in the day, partly because I was struggling with what Boss was trying to teach me.  He and I also argued more in my lesson than we had in a long time and that also put me off my game.

The argument was rather random.  Boss was late for my lesson so I spend the extra time warming myself up.  When he did arrive, I could tell he was distracted, but decide to see how things went.  We began with him asking me to do my rumba walk for him in time with the music.  I pulled myself together, focused and began walking.  But as I turned around the corner to face Boss, I was greeted by the top of his head buried in his electronics.  He wasn’t even watching what I was doing.  I was so stunned I stopped moving, stood where I was and when he still didn’t noticed walked back to the corner where I began.  He didn’t notice I stopped until I was almost at the original corner, and he asked me then why I stopped.  Then he asked me to do it again. So, same thing and as I rounded the corner….once again it was to discover he wasn’t paying any attention to me.  This time I just stood where I had stopped and waited for him to notice.   When he did, he asked why I stopped and said ‘what, you are warming up’.  I could have accepted that if he wasn’t 10 minutes late and I hadn’t already spent time warming myself up.  The whole incident just rubbed me the wrong way.

The rest of the lesson continued with a similar argument.  I would be doing something and then Boss would start talking to me to make corrections and adjustments.  I wouldn’t be able to hear him so I would stop and turn towards him (sometimes he was beside me, sometimes behind).  He would tell me not to stop while he spoke.  Round and round we went.  Finally, as we got that sorted, we moved on to samba.

Well, it seems I have been doing samba quite wrong and was completely lacking any concept of what I needed to be doing.  That began a difficult and frustrating lesson to try and help me understand the movements I needed to do and since I was already quite upset I was getting frustrated quite easily.  In the end, I stuck with it and him and it seemed we were able to get me moving the right way but it was quite a struggle to get there.

On top of the struggles I was encountering, making changes and working on new stuff seemed to highlight to me that next week I will have surgery and will have to take time off from dance because of it.  I felt like even though I was understanding the new stuff, there isn’t enough time for me to fully incorporate it before I have to take a prolonged break, so I was frustrated with that.

It was an emotionally exhausting lesson, to say the least.

Following that lesson, I had a meeting of the board of the local dance society on which I sat, and it became clear from that meeting that I would be unable to continue to sit on the board any longer.  I won’t go into the issues here, but there is a general lack of communication and support among board members which put me in a position I felt I could no longer remain in.  It was a very difficult decision to leave, but one I felt I had to do.

I should have two lessons next week before my surgery, then it looks like no dance for me until the beginning of June :(. If all goes well though, it should be the last hurdle to getting me back to 100%.

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