That was the question put to me by Boss tonight.
There is a competition taking place in my home town in 6 weeks in which Boss and I are both heavily involved in the planning. It’s the first time in 2 years a competition has been held in this city, and it will be only the second time that there is a pro/am division.
Boss suggested doing at least a solo, but also perhaps some latin.
It’s really tempting, but when I take a step back and look at the big picture, it’s just not worth it or feasible right now.
Aside from the cost, I really have to take my health into consideration. I am getting a new drain inserted on Friday, which will have an effect on my dancing and for how long, I don’t know. Chances are very high that once it is removed, my belly will fill with fluid again and I will need surgery to correct it. The medication I am on for the hot flashes is starting to make me really drowsy, dizzy and dopey. I have a hard time getting out of bed before 1230. In two weeks, I will have to decide whether or not to try the hormone therapy again, and if I do go ahead, how I want to proceed with it. There will be side effects from that regardless of what I do.
It’s a lot happening with my body in the next couple weeks and adding the stress of preparing for a competition just doesn’t make sense. On top of that, I have to consider that I am really working on some personal goals right now–like watching what I eat so I can get back on track with my weight, and hopefully returning to weight training next month. I also hope to return to work in early April.
There is also dance considerations. While competing in anyway is a great goal for dance, right now I have very little to show that’s different from my last competition. I am also just now getting into a great rhythm of working through my own self-practice and in my lessons with Boss to the point where a lot of things that have been eluding me are starting to come together–especially in standard. If I were to do a solo or some latin at a competition in 6 weeks, I would have to take time from my lessons to prepare for that, and I would lose some of the momentum I have been slowly gaining. It would mean starting back a few paces after the competition and starting to rebuild that momentum again.
Previously, I honestly would have jumped at the chance to compete and prepare for a competition and a showcase–especially in my home town. But right now, I find that I don’t want to focus on competing or even performing. I don’t want to take the time away from other things to prepare for it. Starting next week, I am cutting down to only two lessons per week (which is normal for me), and that reduces my lesson time even further. I am not even back to doing competitive practices yet, and I don’t know really when I will be.
I was actually surprised Boss brought this up tonight, but I guess I shouldn’t be. Things have been going really well in my lessons, better than I think he thought, so it was a natural step for him to make. I think he was working under the assumption that I would do at least a solo, and that any other heats were extra. I am really thinking I don’t want to do either.
I will still go and watch the competition and support the other competitors from my home town, but unless something changes dramatically, I don’t expect to be on the competition floor anytime soon. In all honesty, I have pretty much resigned myself to aiming for the fall and a bigger competition out east.
The unexpected discussion aside, my lesson was really really great tonight. I absolutely love the way that Boss and I are working right now, and I love his plan moving forward. We started working through the steps in my waltz routine in precise detail–meaning literally from one step to the next, stopping between so I can see where I am, what adjustments I need to make and focus on where the next step will be. We did it together, and then I did it on my own. We got through almost the entire first line, and then we did it with the music to see if there was a difference.
I was pretty amazed by how much difference there actually was. One of the things I have been struggling with is how much more I have to keep my lower body forward now that I don’t have as big a belly. It’s a huge difference. But it helps to work with Boss as I can use him for reference to give me an idea of how to adjust on my own. It’s coming, but it’s a lot of work and processing. I love it. Boss told me we are going to work through all my standard routines that way, and I can’t wait.
No more lessons this week, but I will get in to practice tomorrow before the drain is inserted on Friday.