Today has been a bit of a disappointing day.
6 weeks is supposed to be a milestone for this surgery. Most people are cleared to go back to all activities because they are basically healed up.
I saw my family doctor today and she put me on 30 more days of sick leave. She also told me she won’t end my lifting and activity restrictions until all my open wounds are healed.
I can understand her concerns–she doesn’t want me to accidentally open up my wounds more and cause them to take even longer to heal, which I can fully agree with. But I have been seeing a nurse daily for 4.5 weeks and the wound under my left breast has not gotten any smaller or shown signs of closing. It’s clean, the tissue is healthy, but the wound is going to take a lot more time to heal.
To top it off I am now officially unable to tolerate any form of adhesive on my skin. So we are at the point where all we can do to protect the wound is place a non-stick dressing over it and hope the elastic on the shelf bra of my camisole keeps it in place–at least until the rash on my skin from the adhesive clears up.
I can’t even begin to describe how frustrated I am right now.
I see the surgeon next week and hopefully he will lift some of the restrictions–such as the wearing of the elastic binder around my waist (which is causing irritation), and allowing me to do some more static dance exercises. There is even a possibility that he might stitch close the big wound that is open to help it heal faster.
On top of the healing issues from the surgery, I am having one other big issue, and unfortunately that is not likely to end anytime soon.
I am not tolerating the hormone therapy very well. In short, I am miserable. Every muscle in my body aches. I can’t sleep. I am an emotional wreck. I have a hard time getting out of bed for my appointments.
It is possible that the hormone therapy is also delaying the healing.
Unfortunately, until I have been on the HT for at least 3 months the oncologist will not consider taking me off of it. It takes that long for the body to adjust to the HT. So my only option right now is to keep taking it and hope.
None of this is made easier by being so restricted in activity. On top of everything else, because I am doing so little I am gaining weight, even though I am trying to watch my diet closely. The more I sit on the couch, the more I feel like I am expanding, and that is not a good feeling.
At least I am getting out for a 20 min walk every day and doing my ballet exercises. It is something.
I guess I just miss my energy. I have less energy now than I had during both chemo and radiation. That really concerns me.
I can understand the reasoning behind why my doctor wants to keep my activity restricted. But at the same time my mental health is slowly going down the toilet, so I am not sure that is helping my healing any in the long run.
The one thing people keep saying to me over and over is ‘But your body has been through so much…’.
I am really tired of hearing that. I know my body has been through a lot. I was right there going through it with it. Knowing that, and having people constantly point that out is not helping me be patient right now.
I am trying to stay positive and be happy for the little things I can do–like walk and ballet, but after 6 weeks I really want to feel like there is hope that I can start moving forward and return to some of the things I enjoy.
Right now, I don’t have that. I just hope my appointment with the surgeon is much more positive than my appointment with my family doctor today–and that is what I have to look forward to.
Last minute note–I just got a call from the surgeon’s office–no more binder!!
It’s the little things that help…