Moving forward

I have had 2 lessons this week to make small changes to the rumba solo and prepare for performing it in my home town on Saturday night.

Both of them have been hard on me, but I feel it is really important to perform the routine in my home town during Breast Cancer Awareness month, so I am pushing through.

Thankfully, there hasn’t been a lot of work that was needed, but it was really telling, especially in my lesson tonight that I am running out of steam.

This week outside of dance has been hard on me.  I have had a lot of appointments, like dental to fix my chemo cavities, and one of my closest friends left today to deploy at sea.  I have felt all week like I am playing the ‘catch-up’ game for sleep instead of staying ahead of it.  I am still having symptoms from the shingles, although the rash is starting to clear up, which is leaving me with pain and some sores that need to heal. On top of that, I may be experiencing fatigue and pain from the radiation.  It’s hard to tell these days what is causing what.

So, I am very seriously considering taking next week off from dance to give myself time to heal, or to do only one lesson.  I discussed it with Boss tonight and he agrees it might be a good idea.  I won’t make a final decision until Sunday, but it is looking like it might be a no lesson or only one lesson week.

Next week I start some of the pre-op appointments in preparation for my surgery and I think that is waking me up a bit.  My goal right now needs to be healing and recuperating as much as possible before my surgery on Nov. 26th so the recovery from that surgery is as smooth and uncomplicated as possible.  I have almost 5 weeks to go, and there is no reason to push myself once I get past Saturday.  I do need to make sure I stay active until my surgery as that will also help, but I don’t need to push it.

The focus in my lessons starting next week (or when I get back to them) is to work through the smooth routines to get them in my head and my feet so I am not starting from nothing when I return to dance after my surgery.  That should give me something to focus on until my surgery so I don’t drive myself crazy thinking about it until then.

I am worried about saying I will take an entire week off from dance because I can tell my motivation is waning a bit.  I am worried if I slow down too much I won’t be able to get back going again.  I don’t want to fall down that dark path (not that I think Boss would let me!).

I did find out this week that I won’t re-start the hormonal therapy until about 4 weeks after my surgery.  I am still nervous about it, since I never really started it like I was supposed to, and it is hard to say how it will affect me.  But that will be an issue for the new year now.

Lots going on, but right now the 2 weeks before my surgery seem to be pretty clear of appointments and other things and I think that is how it should stay.  The more rest I can get now, without being completely inactive, the better my surgery should go.

I finally listed my dresses for sale, but I need to start spreading out to more sites.  Getting them sold will reduce a lot of financial stress in being able to afford the new dresses I will need after my surgery.  Wish me luck on that!

So I am taking it easy.  I think I have earned it.

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