Day in the dumps

My lesson never happened today.  The hall mixed up Boss’s bookings, so it wasn’t opened until 20 minutes into my lesson, so when given the choice of a 1/2 hour lesson or to reschedule, I chose to reschedule.

My day went a little downhill from there.  It’s been a long time since this has happened, but today I had no desire to practice.  I did anyway, and unfortunately, general disappointment about not having a lesson plus lack of motivation to practice meant practice didn’t go well.

Generally, it seems today is just one of my bad days.  I can’t seem to pull myself out of the dumps and events of the past 3 weeks seem to be catching up with me.  Aside from radiation, the last 3 weeks have been pretty stressful for me and lot has happened in my world outside of dance and cancer.  There have been a lot of general disappointments.  Today I just feel under-estimated, under-appreciated and taken for granted.

I don’t really have any reason to feel this way, but it seems the accumulation of everything over the past few weeks has just caught up with me.  I feel like I should be expecting another disappointment or two to come out of the woodwork.  I am just tied up in knots and something needs to give–I really need some good, positive and stress-free news that doesn’t cost me anything, but I don’t see any coming anytime soon.

It sucks feeling like this, but it’s ok.  I know tomorrow will be a new day, and as of Friday I will have only 9 rounds of radiation left–single digits!!  It’s also a long weekend coming up, so that has to be good, right?

Boss is supposed to let me know tonight the costs for the competition in October I am hoping to do.  I am really hoping the costs aren’t too high.  Competing anywhere is always a lot to consider and there are a lot of unknowns for me in October.  I have no idea how I will be in terms of side effects.

My financial priority right now, actually, is to work on affording my new dresses which are going to be a necessity in the new year after my surgery. I am really hopeful I will be able to sell my current dresses to help off-set those costs, but I am not sure I will have luck with that.  But I won’t know until I try, and that won’t be until after the competition.  One of them may be sold already, but the buyer has had some financial issues, so it’s on the rocks.  I remain hopeful though.

One good thing about this competition is that there is at least one other of Boss’s pro/am students going, which will help with the costs a little.

Doing a competition may be exactly what I need.  I have been working hard, but I really haven’t had much to measure progress against except for Boss’s encouragement.  A competition would be something external for measuring that.  I am sure I have made progress, but I guess I just have some doubt about the amount.

I will pick myself up and carry myself forward.  Just not today.

2 thoughts on “Day in the dumps

  1. I am sorry to hear that you are having a crappy day 😦
    Those kind of days suck and just take so much energy. But its good to hear that you are able to say that you will get out of this funk- just not today. Sometimes that’s just the only thing that you can do.
    I’m sure that you will get out of your funk!
    I hope that the dress sells and you are able to sell the others also, it sounds like the competiton will be great for you! I look forward to hearing all about it – pictures please!
    Take care, remember to be kind to yourself and good luck for the last of your single digit radio appointments
    Veronica x

    Liked by 1 person

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