Honestly, it is starting to get hard. I spent another day mostly in bed exhausted. My skin is starting to feel sunburned, not just looking it. I seem to always feel a little bit nauseous. My head is always foggy.
But I did get practice in today.
I am very proud of myself for that because it was looking dicey most of the day. On top of my regular exercises, I took 5 mins to run through the foxtrot sequence on my own. No idea if I am doing it right, but I could tell my body was at least trying to do something.
The nice thing about practice today was that it was later in the day, the gym was quiet and because I was mentally tired all my exercises were very meditative and relaxing. They even seemed more consistent than they have been lately. I was definitely in my happy place.
I am trying to remember to give myself a break. It’s ok that I am sleeping later in the day, or needing a nap right after my treatment. It’s ok if the only thing I get done in a day is my dance exercises. No one expects me to be super productive, except me.
I can tell that even boss is noticing the treatments are starting to weigh on me. He asks more frequently how I am. Last weekend he was concerned because I apparently got very red in the face when we were practicing. Yesterday he noticed (but tried not to) that I was just dripping sweat during my lesson (there was a small comment about it being so hot in the studio, and was I able to notice the humidity). It’s good though that he is noticing so I don’t feel the need to explain it or point it out.
One of the best things about working with Boss through this is that from just after my diagnosis, he decided to just keep going as though I wasn’t sick and adjusting from there–which is exactly what my approach has been for myself too. It’s been pretty rocky since I started and finished chemo, but I got through it and kept dancing thanks to his support.
So that makes the next 3 weeks a little easier to face. First that it is only 3 weeks and not 3 months, second that I have had to manage fatigue before (although not quite this strong!) so I know I can do it, and finally that I know Boss will keep helping me keep dancing as much as I keep pushing myself. I also have a great support network that is invaluable to helping me get through this. It also helps I have definite goals to work towards and look forward to.
One day at a time. Just.keep.breathing.
And dancing. Can’t forget the dancing.