Here I go again?

I had a good lesson today, completely focused on foxtrot.

However, I had a hard time getting through my exercises afterward.  I could actually feel myself run out of gas in the middle of my focused latin work, and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get through my ballet and arm work.

But I did.

I am hoping I am just more tired today because of the extra effort I put in yesterday at the competitive practice, not because this is the start of the radiation side effects.  The other thing to consider is that I haven’t done a complete lesson in standard in quite some time, so that could also be a factor. I know fatigue is a big side effect of radiation, but I guess I am hoping to get just a little bit more time to feel good before it sets in.

Tomorrow should be a day off and rest, so I am hoping that allows me to regroup and that Wednesday is a less fatiguing day.

My body is definitely letting me know it isn’t appreciating the change in level of work I am doing.  I seem to have pissed off one of my glute muscles during practice yesterday, so it was sore today, but felt better before my lesson.  About when I started getting tired, it started acting up again tonight.  I have it coated in Voltaren and Biofreeze and I hope that encourages it to settle down.

I was really glad to take the time to focus on standard during my lesson.  It’s one of my goals to really work consistently in standard before my surgery, but I didn’t realize until last night that this had become really important to me.  I have made some small progress lately in being able to hold and work through my frame and finally I am starting to be able to tell when it isn’t right, how I am swayed, and what muscles are working.

I really want to bank on that progress to try and move forward.  I feel like I am really on the verge of a breakthrough in standard, I just need some consistent work to help solidify it and take me to the next level.  I also want to keep building on the small foundation I have so it is good and strong before my surgery for me to fall back on as I start back to dance through my recovery.  Post-surgery, standard is definitely going to be the hardest to bounce back from, so the better situated I am before, the better able I will be to adjust to the changes in my body.

At least that’s the hope.

If I needed confirmation that Boss was pleased with practice yesterday, I definitely got it today.  It was the first thing he mentioned and he commented again on how ‘cool’ the Viennese Waltz was, the start of my Quickstep, the first line of my Foxtrot….he actually gave me a bit of a list of everything that went really well.  It was great to hear.

I hope I can keep building on that momentum because it’s been a long time coming.  Boss’s goal is to really dig into the details of my silver standard routines to set me up good for gold.  He mentioned that he was doing things in my routines that a lot of people don’t do because it is complicated, but he purposely included them in my routines to have something different and because I am able to use my dynamics to help me through the steps.

One of the interesting things about today was that for the first time Boss acknowledged that he can see a different between when I am sure what I am doing, and when I am not.  He actually told me I tend to get too cautious when I am thinking about swing and sway and I start trying too hard to control all my movements and it makes everything small.  He wants me to move ‘big’ because he knows I can, and he was trying to convince me today to stop thinking about swing and sway so much and to just follow what he is leading.

That seems to be the big difference.  If I get out of my head and just follow, I have now started to do swing and sway on my own without real conscious thought.  If I start thinking should I sway left or right etc. my steps get smaller and it becomes obvious I am thinking.  I need to learn to trust myself and that I can control my movement without trying to–that controlling the movement has become second nature.

It’s a new way of thinking for me.  Previously, Boss would be telling me to not do so much or to focus on one thing or another.  I have to find the balance between now.  I am curious to see if this is a problem in foxtrot only (which is my most complicated routine), or if it carries across all the dances.

It will be interesting to see what Wednesday brings.

I have two early mornings in a row for radiation ahead of me, so I can see the possible return to naps in my future.  I definitely noticed last week that I did not want to get out of bed in any hurry.

I just have to remember–this Friday radiation is halfway done.

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