Being home

Quick post as I am still home in the Maritimes and getting ready for traveling on my third leg of my trip.  I fly tonight from where my Mom lives back to near where my father lives so I can catch my plane home tomorrow.

No chance to dance while I have been here, so not much on that.  Mostly been trying to relax and regroup and see where I am at mentally.

Still not really sure, to be honest.  I think the break has been good for me physically.  I have slept a lot, relaxed with each of my parents, saw my last remaining grandparent and tonight will be picked up from the airport by friends I haven’t seen in 3 years.

I am surprised I am not missing dance as much as I thought I would.  Usually when I am away I can’t wait to get into practice and to get even just a little done.  I guess it’s a sign I have been a little burnt out.

Part of it could be that I am not really missing much at home.  Boss is on vacation so even if I was home I would be working on my own with no lessons.

I do know I was very disappointed to miss the competition last weekend that Boss went to with his other students.  It was hard because if I wasn’t sick, I would definitely have been competing myself.  I still hope to compete later this fall, but I am not sure how realistic that is right now.  Very hard to say.  I knew I would be upset a little by not being able to go, but I guess I was more disappointed than I expected or hoped.  Watching others perform and compete has been one of the hardest parts of this journey for me so far.  I wonder if that disappointment is part of what is fueling my lack of motivation for practicing right now.

I will see how I feel once I get home again. It will be a busy time.  I get home Friday, have the weekend to recover, then Monday my port is being removed, I have acupuncture and I am responsible for setting up a local dance event (which doesn’t require much more than hanging a banner and waiting for the end to take it down again).

Tuesday, I start radiation and everything just goes from there.  Wednesday I have my ‘post chemo’ appointment.

Lots going on, and it has been good to have some time to think.  First I need to get home and see what I am ready for.

Still waiting for Boss to let me know if the goals I gave myself for the fall are reasonable.  Don’t expect to hear from him until after his vacation though.

I guess I really expected to be feeling stronger by now.  Traveling has taken a lot more out of me than I expected and I still remain pretty tired in general.  Still time to recover a little more before radiation starts though.  Still regrouping I guess.

Good to be home, though.

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