Radiation…coming up fast

I had my radiation planning session today and they ‘tagged’ me with 3 tattoos that are really like 3 dots.  The tattoos make is all very real all of a sudden.

I can say I am definitely freaking out.  I thought chemo was hard with only one week in between each session.  Radiation is every day except weekends and holidays.  It just seems like a lot and overwhelming.

The main side effect of radiation is fatigue.  I was warned it would be probably worse than chemo and might come on faster.  During chemo I had a few days, especially on my first drug, where in 1/2 an hour I went from really mostly ok to absolutely dead tired.  A couple times it happened while on my way home from dance and it was a little questionable.  The radiation oncologist told me with radiation the same thing can happen within a few minutes.

I am not sure how to deal with that.  I just know that I will.

She is really encouraging me to dance though.  Physical activity really helps to keep the energy up, so with a little luck perhaps staying active and dancing will help keep the fatigue away.

I am very worried about how my mood might be during radiation.  I was pretty positive during chemo, but there were some days when things were really bad.  There were days I was ready to quit dancing and quit everything and just stay in bed until it finished.  But somehow I got through them, although I have some great support here to help me out when things got bad to remind me why I do the things I do.

I am still thinking very seriously about taking a break from lessons.  I don’t know if I will be the best or even a tolerable student during radiation.  Thankfully, because I am a redhead I have very little melatonin in my skin for radiation to react with and cause a rash.  First time being a redhead paid off for NOT getting a sunburn.  That is a small bonus as it means I *should* be able to keep wearing proper undergarments throughout.

I think the thing that freaks me out the most about radiation is that most of the worse side effects will hit 3 weeks AFTER treatments finish.  There is something uncontrollable about that.  Like I am just going to get back on my feet and WHAM! I will get hit with super-fatigue.  My oncologists thinks it could be 8 weeks before I can really go back to work, although the return to work program will help.

My surgery is 10 weeks after I finish.  I can’t imagine just sitting around being tired for 10 weeks waiting for the most major surgery of my life.

It all seems a little too much right now.  Not quite sure how I will make it through, but definitely somehow I will.

I just don’t really know how not to be positive and optimistic.  It always works out.  Even radiation.

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3 thoughts on “Radiation…coming up fast

  1. You are really inspirational. I am so impressed that you can keep positive despite all the major stuff coming up. I am hoping it all goes well. You know yourself better than anyone else and if a break is needed, then that’s what you should do. But I hope you are able to keep dancing through this without needing to take a break.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for sharing! I didnt know that red heads burn less during radiation sessions. That makes me feel better about when I have to do them! I am not a red redhead more light strawberry-blond but I def burn oh so easy! I also didnt know that the fatigue creeps up on you… I guess I will see when I get there!
    I hope you manage to keep dancing 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

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