The ‘Chemo Cap’ debate

It is interesting how small things can spiral into huge debates between Boss and I.

I mentioned that my hair has started growing back and right now, after a haircut to clean it up, it is about 1/4″ long.  Not too bad, and I have had it shorter before.  It is looking pretty ok, and once I finish treatments it should start growing at a normal rate.

I stopped wearing my chemo caps to practice back in May because they just got too hot and with hot flashes I felt like I was overheating and worried I might pass out.  Before I did I asked Boss if he would be ok with it, since it was his studio and he has kids classes some times when I practice.

He was surprised I thought I had to ask and said I am free to do what I am comfortable with.

So that is what I have been doing since May.  Last night I asked if he would mind if I didn’t wear them for lessons anymore as I am starting to not wear them in public, and with the summer heat I am finding myself feeling sick from heat in lessons.

His response? “I would prefer if you always wore them at the studio, quite frankly, to show respect to others.”

Wait, what?

So now he wants me to wear them not only at lessons, but during practices too–unless I am practicing behind curtains.

No word or any consideration of my health, and in the same time made me feel like I should be ashamed of how I look without my caps.  It’s like he just told me I should wear sweats at the pool because I am overweight (Not quite the same, but there are similarities).

I don’t think this is what he intended, and knowing Boss, until I pointed it out probably didn’t realize how it came across.  He was acting like I never even bothered to ask him in May if he would be ok with me going without for practice.

Not one other person has said anything negative to me about going without caps.  In fact, most are positive and remark they are glad to see I have hair again.

So it seems this is about Boss being uncomfortable.  I had a suspicion he would be (Boss is very conservative), which is why I asked.  I figured worse case scenario, he would ask that I continue to wear them in lessons (which I can try to manage).  Now, even if I don’t wear a cap to the studio, I am being asked to put one on while I am there.

I asked how long he would like me to wear caps–what is an appropriate length of hair to show in public?

He has had no answer for that so far.  The debate continues, but as far as I can see, I might need to find a new place to practice because the heat is too hard on my health.

And that is how something small becomes a huge problem when it comes to Boss and I.

*sigh*. To be continued. I hope.

4 thoughts on “The ‘Chemo Cap’ debate

  1. Weird…how is not wearing a cap disrespectful to others?? I can’t help but compare it to me being asked to wear shirts that completely covered my tattoo. I’ve never been asked, but if I was, I think my first question would be that one. It’s not like you’ve got flashing neon signs and loud music telling everyone “look at me!!” Hoping it gets sorted out quickly!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Boss and I have had strange disagreements like this before, and they often get sorted once he has some time to step back and think about what he is asking. I am giving him time, and will see what he comes up with today. I don’t mind wearing them for lessons if he finds my short hair distracting, at least for the next couple weeks, but I do mind wearing them in practices. We’ll see how it goes.


  3. “Like” doesn’t seem appropriate for this post. I agree that is seems weird so I hope you are right that you just hit him at a strange time and he fumbled the answer a bit. It seems fair to me to ask why that would be disrepectful to others. I also hope it gets sorted out.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you–I am hopeful it will get sorted as well. This is not the first time Boss and I have navigated something like this, and unfortunately, I am sure it won’t be the last. He really is in a class all by himself sometimes.


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