What I expect to be the longest week of chemo–my last week.
Treatment went ok today, but it was rough starting. I don’t know if it is true for everyone, but for me I reached a point about 10 weeks ago where my mind has figured out that I am basically volunteering to be poisoned every week, and that I am going to feel lousy after. It’s been hard to get myself to treatments ever since.
But I adapted. I started making sure someone goes with me to treatments (it is easier to be brave with others around), and therefore I am not driving there alone. Boss usually picks me up from treatments (I am legally impaired), and in return for this I allow him to use my car over the weekend while I am unable to use it.
I should mention Boss and I have a bit of a dual relationship. Instructor-student and always business in the studio, but we also have a small friendship outside the studio and his wife is one of my best friends. We are both very good at keeping both separate, which I know is a rare thing.
Back to today’s treatment–my ‘failsafe’ unfortunately wasn’t available today. Both of my friends who usually alternate going with me were sick. And sick means no going to the clinic because so many chemotherapy patients are immuno-compromised.
So I was on my own. I ended up getting my roommate to drive me to the clinic because I was too emotional to drive and when the nurse started hooking me up for the benedryl, I just lost it emotionally for a bit. They just closed the curtains around my chair and let me have my moment. They know it’s been a long long haul for me, and I am not the first patient to have a ‘moment’. Some people have to be medicated to receive their treatment.
But my friends hadn’t abandoned me and soon I was texting with 2 at the same time, which helped keep me distracted and I got through the rest of my treatment without further issues.
It was my first treatment with no steroids and there was a small chance I would have a severe allergic reaction, but in the end I didn’t. I could feel my body trying to fight the drug though and I was tingling all over. I got really cold and needed two warm blankets.
But it’s done, and I can tell no steroids is making a difference. For starters, for the first time since my first week on this drug 12 weeks ago, I came home and slept. I even slept well–a good 2 hours plus nap. Usually the steroids would have me so wired by this point I would be lucky if I slept by 2 am.
Things are looking up that way at least. If I can get sleep, I can get through this. The steroids also make me really emotional, so I am looking forward to getting that under control some too.
Small victory. Treatment 15 of 16 is done.
1 more to go. Just.Keep.Breathing.