I have been feeling a little lax lately, so I took a moment to take stock.  It doesn’t surprise me that I feel unmotivated, with the amount of stress and side effects I am experiencing, there are some days I am doing good to get out of bed.

I don’t feel it should be up to anyone but me to motivate myself.  I believe the motivation, ultimately, has to come from within.  Words and actions of others can inspire you to be motivated, but in the end the only person who can decide if you are going to put the effort into doing something or not is you.  Everyone else are the enablers and helpers.

I needed something to help motivate me through these last few weeks of treatment, so I did something I have been meaning to so, but never seemed to get around to–build my wall of motivation.

A few weeks ago, I had to clean my stuff out of my office since I am on extended sick leave and will be moving to a new office when I go back to work.  My replacement is coming in, and she needs to know that it is now her office, without ‘ghosts’ of me to haunt her.  Since bringing it home, all my work stuff mostly has been just sitting in a box in my room.

Today I went into it and took out a motivational poster I had, as well as pictures from some of the competitions I have done.  I hung them up on the wall directly across my chair in my living room, so I can see them most of the day and added 4 ‘post-its’ with words to remember.

The poster says “It takes 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends and 12 weeks for the of the world.  Give it 12 weeks. Don’t Quit.”

12 weeks from now I should be finishing up radiation and hopefully the hardest and longest parts of my treatment will be done.  I can give it 12 weeks.

The post-its say “Remember you always feel better after you dance”, “Just keep breathing”, “Don’t be afraid to inspire yourself”, and ” Remember you have goals you can achieve!”

These just seem to be 4 ‘mini-mantras’ for me.

All in all, I hope it helps to keep me motivated to keep dancing, watch my diet, and get through all my treatments.

I am so close, and yet somehow very far.  10 months since I found my lump, 9 since diagnosis, 8 since surgery, and 6 months of treatment.

Just keep breathing.


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