I wanted to add a quick post with a dance update 🙂
Had a brief conversation with my instructor last night and if the open Cha Cha isn’t ready we will do our rumba competition routine, not jive (whew! load off there). Again I hope the open routine will be ready as it would be pretty amazing to perform.
My instructor asked me today if I would be ok with either him or me to make a brief statement before my performance to talk a little about what I am going through–not to say ‘give her a break, she’s sick’ but to say ‘you can do anything you put your mind to–just watch me’.
One thing I can say about this entire process is I am slowly learning and accepting that my instructor has developed a lot of respect for me as a person outside of dancing (not saying he didn’t before–this is just a different level). He has mentioned a few times he is amazed at how I am doing, at what I am able to do, and that I (for the most part), remain calm and positive through it. I guess because he is my instructor I have always had a lot of respect and looked up to him, but it never occurred to me that he might look up to me. This conversation today was an example of how, without realizing it, I have affected him in a small way, and he seems to want to share that with others in the community. He actually, without realizing it, encouraged me to start this blog and share my passion for dance, as well as my journey. Funny how we can affect one another without realizing it.
I am not sure about doing a statement, but then I am not sure if I will even be able to dance at all yet. Certainly, I have to get the nausea and stomach acid problem under control, and I never had any idea week to week how I will feel on Saturdays–sometimes I am ok, and even a little ‘buzzed’ from the steroids (like I had 10 cups of coffee), other times I feel like I have the flu. So that decision will have to be made that day.
Part of me thinks making a statement makes sense. It does allow me to share my journey and I know there is a powerful message there. One of the reasons I want to perform this showcase is partly to prove to myself I CAN do whatever I put my mind to (within reason), and part of me would like to dedicate it to all those fighting cancer. I will have to think about it seriously. I have a week 🙂
Also if the performance is recorded (and it will be), I can post it on facebook for my family to see.
You see, I live on one coast of the country, and my family all lives on the other. I am ok with it, but especially now, it is difficult, especially for my parents, to understand and see I am doing ok. I post a lot of dance videos on facebook so they can share in my dance world–otherwise, they would really have no idea about it. Facebook is the main place I communicate with my family.
I haven’t posted a lot about being sick on facebook (I see no need), but I have posted two pictures of me smiling in my chemo scarf mentioning I am ok and still dancing. At least I look healthy. But it is one thing to see a random static picture once every 3 months, and another a dance performance video. I think it would drive home that I really AM ok, and doing well. And I truly am. The support I have here, through dance, work, and friends has been truly amazing. I am truly blessed.
I guess I will give the statement some thought. One of the things that surprises me is whenever someone mentions how inspired they are to see I am still dancing. It just never occurred to me that I could be an inspiration to others, because that is not why I am dancing, so not something I ever think about. I just feel lucky that my side effects have been relatively mild (compared to what others go through, and what is possible), and that dance is still possible.
I just want to dance and be me 🙂